I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
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how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize