If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
