soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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