i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
