IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
