you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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