I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he puts the penis in happiness.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
