apparently the secret to your success is patron
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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