I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
