There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
