I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
