its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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