I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
