I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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