I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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