I feel like abortions should bother me more
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
