He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
