he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
