can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
