I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
