So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
