everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
