Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
