I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
