as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
