I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
