dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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