Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
