Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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