just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
