I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
