I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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