I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
