This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
