I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
