but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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