Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.