I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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