I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
