Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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