You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
