he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
