I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i out mim tonsoeep
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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