Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
