you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
