oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
