This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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