I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
