great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
