Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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