woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We smell like vodka and hangover
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
