i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
