I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
