Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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