i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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