I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
