We won't sleep together?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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