Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
