By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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