Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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