she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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